Joke USA UK China Thailand バンコク 冗談 ジョーク Joke02
Now, THIS is really fascinating. It's rather dazzling to see it presented this way.
I certainly thought this was enlightening. Beyond our sun ... It's a big universe.
Antares is the 15th brightest
star in the sky. It is more than 1000 light years away.
Holding the sun
Edge of the Hurricane
Amazing Cloud Formation
You Light Up My World
Not a Good Day For Surfing.
Only in Hawaii
Only in India
Only in Texas
Only In Thailand
And last, but not least. Only
IF THIS MADE YOU SMILE..THEN REPOST. IT WILL MAKE SOMEONE ELSE SMILE TOO.
Warm Rgrds., from an old senile fellow still alive as of July 30, 2008
I'm Still waiting....
I did what you told me ... I sent the email to 10 people like you said ..
I'm still waiting for that miracle to happen ..
To all my friends who in the last year who sent me best 'wishes', chain letters, 'angel' letters
or other promises of good luck if I forwarded something,
NONE OF IT WORKED!
Next time, could you please just send money, Whisky, chocolate, movie tickets or
gasoline vouchers and airline tickets instead! Thank you!
I got my own little fishing
boat and tried to get my wife to join me, but she just never liked fishing.
Finally, one day at the
Bait & Tackle Shop, I got to talking to Sam the shop owner who it
turned out loves bass fishing as much as I do.
We quickly became fishing
As I said the wife doesn't
care about fishing.
She not only refuses to
join u! s she a lways complains that I spend too much time fishing.
Not only did I catch the
most beautiful bass you've ever seen, only a few minutes later Sam must
have caught his twin brother!
So I took a picture of Sam
holding up the two nice bass that we caught and showed the picture to
the wife hoping that maybe she'd get interested.
Instead she says she doesn't
want me to go fishing at all anymore!
And she wants me to sell
I think she just doesn't
like to see me enjoying myself.
What would you do?
Tell the wife to forget
it and continue my hobby or quit fishing and sell the boat as she insists?
PS Enclosed is a picture
of Sam with the two bass we caught
Subject: Questioning the Monkey
Questioning the Monkey
Once in America
a plane crashed, only a monkey who was traveling in the plane was left
Wie - Golf Humor
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon.
Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and
rub them in the grass and dirt.
'Where have you been?' his
'I can't lie to you,' he
'I'm having an affair with
my secretary. We had sex all afternoon.'
'You lying bastard!
The 2nd Affair：第二の情事
A middle-aged couple had
two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.
He told his wife: 'There's
no way I can be the father of this baby.
The 3rd Affair：第三の情事
A mortician was working
late one night.
He examined the body of
Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery.
'I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz,'
the mortician commented, 'I can't allow you to be cremated with such an
impressive private part.
'My God!' the wife exclaimed,
'Schwartz is dead!'
A woman was in bed with
her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
'Don't move until I tell
you,' she said. 'Pretend you're a statue.'
'What's this?' the husband
'Oh it's a statue,' she
'Here,' he said to the statue,
A man walked into a cafe,
went to the bar and ordered a beer.
'A nickel,' the barman replied.
The bartender replied:
The man asked: 'What's he
doing upstairs with your wife?'
The bartender replied:
Jake was dying. His wife
sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly:
|SOCIAL SECURITY SEX
Two men were talking.
'So, how's your sex life?'
'Oh, nothing special.
I'm having Social Security sex.'
'Yeah, you know;
I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!'
A wife went in to
see a therapist and said, I've got a big problem, doctor.
Every time we're
in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell.'
'The problem is,'
she complained, 'it wakes me up!'
Tired of a listless
sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking
session, 'How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?'
She glanced at him
casually and replied, 'You're not home!'
A man was in a terrible
accident, and his 'manhood' was mangled and torn from his body.
His doctor assured
him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his
insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since it was considered cosmetic.
The doctor said
the cost would be $3,500 for 'small, $6,500 for 'medium, $14,000 for 'large.'
The man was sure
he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over
with his wife before he made any decision.
The man called his
wife on the phone and explained their options.
The doctor came back
into the room, and found the man looking dejected.
'Well, what have
the two of you decided?' asked the doctor.
The man answered,
'She'd rather remodel the kitchen.'
A husband and his
wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary.
The husband yells,
'When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife-Cold
'Yeah,' she replies,
'when you die, I'm getting you a headstone thatreads: Here Lies My Husband
- Stiff At Last.''
My husband came home
with a tube of K Y jelly and said, 'This will make you happy tonight.'
He was right.
When he went out
of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the doorknobs.
He couldn't get back
One night an 87 year
old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92 year old husband in bed
with another woman.
She became violent
and ended up pushing him off the balcony of their 20th floor assisted
living apartment killing him instantly.
I am not sure exactly how it works, but this is amazingly accurate. Read the full description before looking at the picture.
The picture below has 2 identical
dolphins in it. It was used in a case study on stress levels at St. Mary's
Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.
May I convey the attched 6 worst female drivers
pictures onto you as received from U.K.
| To my darling husband,
Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let
you know about the small accident I had with the pick up truck when I
turned into the driveway. Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't
get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me.
I am really sorry, but I know with your kind-hearted personality
you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my
I am enclosing a picture for you. I cannot wait to hold you in
my arms again.
Your loving wife,
Which of the two birds is a female?
Below are two birds. Study them closely.........
See if you can spot which of the two is the female. It can be done. Even by one with limited bird watching skills.
Subject: Only in the USA and Canada
Only in USA AND CANADA.....do
drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to
get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the
Summary of Life
GREAT TRUTHS THAT LITTLE CHILDREN HAVE LEARNED:
1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptise
GREAT TRUTHS THAT ADULTS HAVE LEARNED:
1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to
GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD
1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
THE FOUR STAGES OF LIFE:
1) You believe in Santa Claus.
At age 4 success is . . . not piddling in your
Pass this on to someone who could use a laugh.
Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way; BUT NEVER forget the blessings that come each day.
Have a wonderful day with many *smiles*
Take the time to live!!!
| Stress Reliever # 1
ストレス緩和剤 # 1
Wife: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office. Why?
Hubby: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Wife: You see, how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
> 妻：ねー貴方分かるでしょ、私が貴方にとって 如何に奇跡的で効力があるかが..?
Hubby: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?" _
> ハズバンド：そうなんだよ、僕は貴女の写真を見て そして 僕自身に言うんだ； ”これよりも 厄介大変なことなんか他にあり得るだろうか？”って。
Stress Reliever # 2
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.
Boy: It's very kind of you, darling, But I don't have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet. _
Stress Reliever # 3
> ストレス解消剤 #3
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy's lap. _
Stress Reliever # 4
Wife : "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?"
Husband : "Golfing with friends, my dear."
Wife : "What? At 2 am?"
> 妻： ”なんですって？ 夜中の2時に？”
Husband : "Yes, We used night clubs." _
Stress Reliever # 5
A newly married man asked his wife, "Would you have married me if my father hadn't left me a fortune?"
"Honey," the woman replied sweetly, "I'd have married you NO MATTER WHO LEFT YOU A FORTUNE"
> ”ハニー、” その女は甘く答えた； ”私は誰が貴方に財産を残したって勿論貴方と結婚したわ。”
Stress Reliever # 6
> ストレス・解消剤 #6
Father to son after exam: "let me see your report card."
Son: "My friend just borrowed it. He wants to scare his parents." __
Stress Reliever # 7
"How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate.
"Terrible!" the roommate answered. "He showed up in his 1932 Rolls-Royce."
> "酷かったわ”そのルーム。メイトは答えた。”彼は彼の1932年型 ロールスロイスで現れたの。”
"Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's so bad about that?"
"He was the original owner."
Stress Reliever # 8
A teacher asked her class for sentences using the word "beans"..
"My father grows beans," said one student.
"My father cooks beans," said another.
Then little Johnny spoke up: "We are all human beans."
Stress Reliever # 9
Interviewer: To whom do you owe your success as a millionaire? "
Millionaire: "I owe everything to my wife."
Interviewer: "Wow, she must be some woman. What were you before
you married her ? "
Millionaire: "A Billionaire" _
Stress Reliever # 10
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I'll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning. _
Stress Reliever # 11
A man was asked: "Do you talk to your wife after sex?"
He replied: "Depends, if I can find a phone."
Stress Reliever # 12
Man to wife on wedding night: "Are you sure I'm the first man you are sleeping with?"
Wife replied: "Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others ! "
Stress Reliever # 13
A wife asked her husband: "What do you like most in me - my pretty face or my sexy body?"
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: "I like your sense of humour."
Stress Reliever # 15
Doctor to his lady patient: "You look terribly weak and exhausted!
Are you having your meals three times a day as I have advised?"
Lady replied: "Doctor, I thought you said three males a day."
|Smart Women Series
Smart man + smart woman = romance
スマート男 + スマート女 = ロマンス
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
スマート男 + 愚かな女 = 情事
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
愚かな男 + スマート女 = 結婚
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
愚かな男 + 愚かな女 = 妊娠
Smart boss + smart employee = profit
スマート・ボス + スマート・従業員=利益
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
スマート・ボス+ 愚かな従業員= 生産高
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
愚かな・ボス+ スマート・従業員= 昇進
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
愚かな・ボス+ 愚かな・従業員 = 残業
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.
A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE SMART GUYS YOU KNOW CAN HANDLE IT.
"Cash, check, or charge?" I asked,
after folding the items the woman wanted to purchase.
A man walked into a pharmacy and wandered up and down the aisles. The sales girl noticed him and asked him if she could help him. He answered that he was looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directed him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposited a huge bag
of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. The salesgirl, looking
confused, asked, "Sir, I thought you were looking for some tampons
for your wife?”
|The Bacon Tree
Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and
close to death. They are close to just lying down and waiting for the
inevitable, when all of a sudden...
"Si, Luis, eet smells like bacon to meee".
So, with renewed strength, they struggle off up the next sand
dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree, just loaded with bacon.
and with that...Luis races towards the tree. He gets to within
"Pepe...go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree"
" Pepe...ees not a bacon tree....
Ees, a Ham Bush"
UNQUOTE <スペイン語でのｈ（アチェ）も無音...フランス語のｈ（アッシュ ミュエ
Subject: Going through Paris at full speed with a Ferrari...
I believe that nobody would dare today to drive
at that speed through the "city of lights".
Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question.
Answer: If you answered that you are first, then
you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take
his place, you are second!
Try not to screw up next time.
Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST Person?
Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000
. Now add 30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000 Now add
10. What is the total?
Scroll down for answer.....
Did you get 5000?
If you don't believe it, check it with a calculator!
Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2.
Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?
Did you Answer Nunu?
Okay, now the bonus round:
A mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy
Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants
to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?
He just has to open his mouth and ask...
PASS THIS ON TO FRUSTRATE THE SMART PEOPLE IN
| Bush postal stamp
The US Postal Service created a stamp earleir this year with a picture of President Bush to honor his achievements while in office.
However, it was found that in daily use the stamp was not sticking to envelopes at all.
So the President established a blue ribbon commission to determine the reason for such a defect.
After a month's testing, the commission made the following findings:
Although you may have no problem in reading the
mail text and that in attachement, I'm adding some notes.
AIMES TU TE FAIRE EFFLEURER ?
AIMES TU TE FAIRE PELOTER ?
QUE L'ON TE FASSE TRANSPIRE ?
SENTIR LA RESPIRATION DE QUELQU UN A TON OREILLE ?
SENTIR UN SOUFFLE CHAU SUR TA NUQUE ET/OU SUR TON VISAGE ?
> 貴方の首筋の上と または貴方の顔の上にも 熱い息吹きを感じること？
ADOPTER SAN CESSE DE NOUVELLES POSITIONS ?
ALLER AU BORD... AU FOND...?
> 登って..？ 降りて..？
> 入って...？ 出て...？
ENTRER TOUT FROID...? SORTIR TOUT CHAUD ET EN SUEUR...?
> 寒くて冷え切って入り...? 全身熱くなって そして汗をかいて出る...?
NOUS T'AIDONS A REALISER TES REVES
<RATP operates Paris Metro & Bus >
effleurer: vt. 軽く触れる 軽い愛撫
transpirer: vi. 汗をかく
sentir: vt. 感じる
respiration: nf. 呼吸、息
oreille: n.f. 耳
souffle: n.m. 吹き、息
nuque: n.f. 襟首、首筋
visage: n.m. 顔
adopter: vt. 採用する
cesse : 休止
fond: n.m. 底
au fond: 実際 は、結局
monter: vi. 登る、乗る
sueur: n.f. 汗、苦労
aider: vt. 助ける，援ける
|The Generation Gap
A young punk climbs on a city bus. The kid has spiked hair colored green, yellow and orange. His clothing is a tattered mix of rags, and his legs are partially bare and he has no shoes on.
His entire face and body are riddled with pierced jewelry, and his earrings are big, bright, yellow and adorned with colored feathers.
The young punk sits down in the only vacant seat, which happens to be directly across the aisle from an old man, who just glares at the kid for the next ten miles.
Finally, the self-conscious kid yells at the old man - "What the hell are you looking at, you old fart? Didn't you ever do
anything wild when you were young?"
Without so much as missing a beat, the old man replies, "Well, yes I did. Back when I was very young and in the Navy, I got really drunk in Singapore and had sex with a parrot. I was thinking that you might be my son."
|A guy and a girl meet in a bar:
They get along so well they decide to go back to the girls place.
A few drinks later,the guy takes off his shirt and washes his hands.
He then takes off his trousers and washes his hands again.
The girl has been watching him and says"You must be a dentist".
The guy suprised says "Yes.How did you figure that out?".
"easy "she replied,"you keep washing your hands.".
One thing led to another and they make love.
And after they are done,the girl says,"you must be a very good dentist".
The guy,now with a boosted ego says,"yes,Im a good dentist.how did you figure that out?".
"Didnt feel a thing!" she responded.
|Million Dollar Question
The Million Dollar Question for God
A poor man walking in the forest feels close enough to God to ask, "God, what is a million years to you?"
God replies, "My son, a million years to you is like a second to me."
The man asks, "God, what is a million dollars to you?"
God replies, "My son, a million dollars to you is less than a penny to me. It means almost nothing to me."
The man asks, "So God, can I have a million dollars?"
And God replies, "In a second."
A True Friend : 真の友
|Why God Gave The Jews 10
This is the little-known tale of how God came to give the Jews the Ten Commandments. God first went to the Egyptians and asked them if they would like a commandment.
'What's a commandment?' they asked.
'Well, it's like, THOU SHALT NOT COMMIT ADULTERY,' replied God.
The Egyptians thought about it and then said, 'No way. That would ruin our weekends.'
So then God went to the Assyrians and asked them if they would like a commandment. They also asked, 'What's a commandment?'
'Well,' said God, 'it's like, THOU SHALT NOT STEAL.'
The Assyrians immediately replied, 'No way. That would ruin our economy.'
So finally God went to the Jews and asked them if they wanted a commandment. They asked, 'How much?'
God said, 'They're free.'
The Jews said, 'Great! We'll take TEN!'
Golf Club names;
Six (6)…….Spade mashie
educated mother just served us nine pizza
My very educated mother just served us nine pizza
TO ALL THE KIDS
WHO SURVIVED the
First, we survived being born to mothers who
smoked and/or drank while they were pregnant
Then after that trauma, we were put to sleep on our tummies in baby cribs covered with bright colored lead-based paints.
We had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors or cabinets and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets, not to mention, the risks we took hitchhiking As infants & children, we would ride in cars with no car seats, booster seats, seat belts or air bags.
Riding in the back of a pick up on a warm day was always a special treat.
We drank water from the garden hose and NOT from a bottle.
We shared one soft drink with four friends, from one bottle and
NO ONE actually died from this.
We ate cupcakes, white bread and real butter and drank koolade made with sugar, but we weren't overweight because.
We would leave home in the morning and play all day, as long as we were back when the streetlights came on.
No one was able to reach us all day.
And we were O.K.
We would spend hours building our go-carts out of scraps and then ride down the hill, only to find out we forgot the brakes. After running into the bushes a few times, we learned to solve the problem.
We did not have Playstations, Nintendo's, X-boxes, no video games at all, no 150 channels on cable, no video movies or DVD's, no surround-sound or CD's, no cell phones, no personal computers, no Internet or chat rooms......
made up games with sticks and tennis balls and, although we were told it would happen, we did not put out very many eyes.
We rode bikes or walked to a friend's house
and kno cked on the door or rang
Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn't had to learn to deal with disappointment. Imagine that!!
The idea of a parent bailing us out if we broke the law was unheard of.
They actually sided with the law!
These generations have produced some of the best risk-takers, problem solvers and inventors ever!
The past 50 years have been an explosion of innovation and new ideas.
We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we learned
If YOU are one of them . . CONGRATULATIONS!
You might want to share this with others who
have had the luck to grow up as
And while you are at it, forward it to your kids so they will know how brave (and lucky) their parents were.
Kind of makes you want to run through the house with scissors, doesn't it?!
The quote of the month is by Jay Leno:
"With hurricanes, tornados, fires out of control, mud slides, flooding, severe thunderstorms tearing up the country from one end to another, and with the threat of bird flu and terrorist attacks,"Are we sure this is a good time to take God out of the Pledge of Allegiance?"
For those that prefer to think that God is not
watching over us....go ahead and delete this.
Subject: what grandma knows
What Grandmas Know
Lawyers should never ask a Southern grandma
a question if they aren't prepared for the answer. In a trial, a Southern
small-town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grandmotherly,
elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs.
Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes, I do know
you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly,
you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife,
and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You
think you're a big shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never
will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know
|THE FINAL WORD ON NUTRITION
After an exhaustive review of the research literature, here’s the final word on nutrition and health:
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
2. Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
4. Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
5. Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
6. The French eat foie-gras, full fat cheese and drink red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than us.
CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
AND THAT'S HOW THE FIGHT STARTED :
One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law
a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.
|Moments of reason
by growing old that one learns to remain young.
If someone declares that
he was able to do everything at sixty that he has able to do at twenty,
then he was not doing very much when he was twenty.
Old age embellishes everything.
It has the effect of the beautiful twilights of autumn.
As one grows old one generally
rids himself of his shortcomings because they no longer serve any useful
Old age is winter, alas,
for many people, but for those who are wise and optimistic, it is the
happy and fruitful time of harvest.
So long as one continuous
to be amazed, one can delay growing old.
The entire life of a
human being depends upon “yes” and “no” uttered two or three times between
the ages of sixteen and twenty five.
Old age arrives suddenly,
as does the snow. One morning, on awakening, one realizes, that everything
Persons selected to be RAPED can apply to
management to be eligible for the SHAFT
Obviously persons who have AIDS or HERPES will not be SHAFTED or SCREWED any further by Management.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying
on will receive as much SHIT
Management has always prided itself on the
amount of SHIT it gives employees.
|During a commercial airline
flight an Air Force Pilot was seated next to a young mother with a babe
When the baby began crying during the
descent for landing, the mother began nursing the infant as
The pilot pretended not to notice and,
upon disembarking,he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the
various baby-related supplies.
When the young mother expressed her gratitude,the
pilot responded, "Gosh, that's a good looking baby...and he sure
Somewhat embarrassed, the young mother
explained that her pediatrician said nursing would help alleviate the
pressure in the baby's ears.
The Air Force Pilot sadly shook his head,
and in true pilot fashion exclaimed,
"And all these years, I've been chewing gum."
IN A NUTSHELL
rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello.'
'Mrs. Sanders, please.'
Frankly, either way the results are not
If he finds his way home, don't sleep
Financial crisis - VERY IMPORTANT
Due to the current financial situation
caused by the slowdown of economy, Management has decided to implement
a scheme to put workers of 40 years of age and above on early retirement.
Persons who are not RAPED and are staying
on will receive as much SHIT (Special High Intensity Training) as possible.
Should you feel that you do not receive
enough SHIT, please bring to the attention of your Supervisor.
BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT
The following is an actual
question given on a University of Washingtonchemistry mid-term.
|YOU KNOW YOU ARE LIVING IN 2009
You accidentally enter your password on the microwave.
2. You haven't played
solitaire with real cards in years.
3. You have a list of
15 phone numbers to reach your family of 4.
4. You e-mail the person
who works at the desk next to you.
5. Your reason for not
staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't have e-mail
7. Every commercial on
television has a web site at the bottom of the screen.
8. Leaving the house without
your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years
of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and
10. You get up in the
morning and go on line before getting your coffee.
11. You start tilting
your head sideways to smile. : )
12 You're reading this
and nodding and laughing.
13. Even worse, you know
exactly to whom you are going to forward this message.
14. You are too busy to
notice there was no #9 on this list.
15. You actually scrolled
back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list
AND NOW YOU ARE LAUGHING
Go on, forward this to
your friends. You know you want to!
|Kids Are Quick
Maria, go to the map and find North America .
TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication
on the floor?
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
(I Love this kid)
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula
TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we
have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting
with ' I. '
TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped
down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it.
TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you
say prayers before eating?
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog'
is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who
keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Subject: Fw: Human Statue of liberty 1918
Human Statue of Liberty 1918
I find it amazing that this photo, taken so many years ago, actually still exists!
And now someone has put it online for all of us to see.This INCREDIBLE picture was taken in 1918.
It is 18,000 men preparing for war in a training camp at Camp Dodge in Iowa . EIGHTEEN THOUSAND MEN !!!!!
What a priceless gift from our grandfathers..."
hese pictures are incredible.
If this is rich in algae, it can form a Green stripe.
Brown, black and yellow
lines are caused by sediment, picked up When the ice sheet grinds
downhill towards the sea.
hat's what it is like in Antarctica where it is the Coldest weather in decades.
Water freezes the instant It comes in contact with the air.
The temperature of the Water
is already some degrees below freezing.
That we never imagined!
“Honey The Wonder Medicine” “蜜その驚異の薬効”
Honey The Wonder Medicine
It is found that a mixture of Honey and Cinnamon cures most
Take one part honey to two parts of luke-warm water and add
a small teaspoon of cinnamon powder. Make a paste and massage it on
the itching part of the body slowly.
Those suffering from hair loss or baldness,
may apply a paste of hot olive oil , one tablespoon of honey, one teaspoon
of cinnamon powder before a bath and keep it for approximately 15 minutes,
and then wash the hair.
It was found very effective if kept for 5 minutes
Take two tablespoons of cinnamon powder and
one tablespoon of honey in a glass of lukewarm water and drink it.
Make a paste of one teaspoon of cinnamon power
and five teaspoons of honey, and apply on the aching tooth.
Cholesterol : コレステロール
Two tablespoons of honey and three teaspoons
of cinnamon powder mixed in 16 ounces of tea, when given to a cholesterol
patient, educes the level of cholesterol in the blood by 10% within
As mentioned for arthritic patients ? If taken
3 times a day, it lowers the cholesterol level.
As per the information received in a Medical
Journal, pure honey taken with food daily relieves complaints of cholesterol.
Those suffering from common or severe colds
should take one tablespoon of lukewarm honey with 1/4 teaspoon cinnamon
powder daily for 3 days.
Yunani and Ayurvedic have been using honey
for years in medicine to strengthen the semen of men.
Honey taken with cinnamon powder cures stomach
ache and also clears stomach ulcers from the root.
Heart Diseases : 心臓諸疾患
Make a paste of honey and cinnamon powder. Apply
on bread or chapatti instead of jelly and jam, and eat it regularly
Daily use of honey and cinnamon powder strengthens
the immune system and protects the body from bacteria and viral attacks.
Cinnamon powder sprinkled on 2 tablespoons
of honey taken before food, relieves acidity and digests the heaviest
A scientist in Spain has proved that honey
contains a natural ingredient which kills influenza germs and saves
the patient from flu.
|Subject:: THE MISSING ROOSTER
The priest in a small Irish village loved the rooster and ten
hens he kept in the hen house behind the church.
One Sunday morning, before mass, he went to feed the birds
and discovered that the cock was missing.
He knew about cock fights in the village, so he questioned
his parishioners in church.
During mass, he asked the congregation, 'Has anybody got a
All the men stood up.
'No, no,' he said, 'that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen
All the women stood up.
'No, no,' he said, 'that wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen
a cock that doesn't belong to them?'
Half the women stood up.
'No, no,' he said, 'that wasn't what meant. Has anybody seen
Sixteen altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up.
The priest fainted.
|A Stimulus Story
It is the month of August, on the shores of the Black Sea.
It is raining and the little town looks totally deserted.
It is tough times, everybody is in debt, and everybody lives on credit.
Suddenly, a rich tourist comes to town.
He enters the only hotel, lays a 100 Euro note on the reception counter and goes to inspect the rooms upstairs in order to pick one.
The hotel proprietor takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the butcher.
The butcher takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the pig grower.
The pig grower takes the 100 Euro note, and runs to pay his debt to the supplier of his feed and fuel.
The supplier of feed and fuel takes the 100 Euro note and runs to pay his debt to the town's prostitute that in hese hard times, gave her "services" on credit.
The hooker runs to the hotel and pays off her debt with the 100 Euro note to the hotel proprietor to pay for the rooms that she rented when she brought her clients there.
The hotel proprietor then lays the 100 Euro note back on the counter so that
the rich tourist will not suspect anything.
At that moment, the rich tourist comes down after inspecting the room and takes his 100 Euro note after saying that he did not like any of the rooms
and leaves town.その瞬間、その金持ち旅行者が部屋を調べた後階上から降りて来る、そして彼は部屋のどれも気に入らないと言った後、彼の100ユーロ紙幣を手に取って、町を離れる。
No one earned anything. However, the whole town is now without debt, and
looks to the future with a lot of optimism....
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how the United States Government and the States of California, New Jersey, etc. are doing business today.
そしてこれが、 紳士淑女諸君、米合衆国政府、及びカリフォルニア州、ニュージャージー州、など等がどのように今日ビジネス を行っているか なのである。
|A guy is browsing in a pet shop and sees a parrot
sitting on a little perch. It doesn't have any feet or legs. The guy says
aloud, 'Jeesh, I wonder what happened to this parrot?'
The parrot says, 'I was born this way. I'm a defective parrot.'
'Holy crap,' the guy replies. 'You actually
understood and answered me!'
'I got every word,' says the parrot. 'I happen
to be a highly intelligent thoroughly educated bird.'
'Oh yeah?' the guy asks, 'Then answer this --
how do you hang onto your perch without any feet?'
'Well,' the parrot says, 'this is very embarrassing
but since you asked, I wrap my weenie around this wooden bar like a
little hook. You can't see it because of my feathers.'
'Wow,' says the guy. 'You really can understand
and speak English can't you?'
'Actually, I speak both Spanish and English
and I can converse with reasonable competence on almost any topic: politics,
religion, sports, physics, philosophy. I'm especially good at ornithology.
You really ought to buy me. I'd be a great companion.'
The guy looks at the $200.00 price tag. 'Sorry,
but I just can't afford that.'
'Pssssssst,' says the parrot, 'I'm defective,
so the truth is, nobody wants me cause I don't have any feet. You can
probably get me for $20; just make an offer!'
The guy offers $20 and walks out with the parrot.
Weeks go by. The parrot is sensational. He has
a great sense of humor, he's interesting, he's a great pal, he understands
everything, he sympathizes, and he's insightful. The guy is delighted.
One day the guy comes home from work and the
parrot goes, 'Psssssssssssst,' and motions him over with one wing. 'I
don't know if I should tell you this or not, but it's about your wife
and the UPS man..'
'What are you talking about?' asks the guy.
'When the UPS man delivered a package today,
your wife greeted him at the door in a sheer black nightie.'
'WHAT???' the guy asks incredulously. 'THEN
'Well, then the UPS man came into the house
and lifted up her nightie and began petting her all over,' reported
'NO!' he exclaims.. 'And she let him?'
'Yes. Then he continued taking off the nightie,
got down on his knees and began to kiss her all over.....'
Then the frantic guy demands, 'THEN WHAT HAPPENED?'
'Damned if I know.. I got a hard-on and fell
off my perch!'
|40 yrs of marriage：結婚４０年
A married couple in their early 60s was celebrating their 40th wedding
anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.
Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared
on their table.
She said, 'For being such an exemplary married
couple and for being loving to each other for all this time, I will
grant you each a wish.'
The wife answered, 'Oh, I want to travel around
the world with my darling husband.'
I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a
wife 30 years younger than me.'
&g t; The wife, and the fairy, were deeply
disappointed, but a wish is a wish.
So the fairy waved her magic wand and poof!...the
husband became 92 years old.
The moral of this story:
For several years, a man had been having an
affair with an Italian woman.
One night, she confided to him that she was
Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage,
he paid her a large sum of money if she would go back to Italy to secretly
have the child.
Also, if she stayed in Italy to raise the child,
he would provide child support until the child turned 18.
To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail
him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back when the child was
One day, about 8 months later, he came home
to his confused wife.
'Honey,' she said, 'You received a very strange
post card today.'
'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it
later,' he said.
The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read
the card, turned white, and fainted.
Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti,
Send extra sauce.